Let me begin by putting one major rumor to rest: Once you get a day job that requires sitting at a desk, you WILL gain weight in unflattering places. ABSOLUTELY true. If you do not agree with this “rumor,” you are lying and I do not want you to continue reading. I understand that it is entirely possible to work out after a full day’s work and keep your amazing high school/college body. That being said, I am not one of those people.
I am dedicating this article to girls like me who are not used to stepping out of the shower and seeing a little stretch mark here or there. In my case, to the girl who has what I refer to as “ass pockets.” To the girl who thinks, “oh man I look good naked” but then puts on a pair of jeans and does the side-to-side shuffle just to get them to button. There is no denying the fact that I am getting older and my metabolism is slowing and taking away my once loved, most precious physical ass-et.
I have spent months during my early morning commute sitting in bumper to bumper traffic for the hour and a half, 17 mile commute contemplating what to do about these stretch marks. Well, I could walk through the ghetto to get to work, it’s only 17 miles… or, my favorite, I could take my lunch break to go for a walk in 100 degree heat! Neither of which are very viable or realistic options in my opinion. Until I can eventually do something about moving closer to work/getting a gym membership/marry a plastic surgeon, I need something that will yield semi-immediate results.
I was perusing Amazon.com the other day when I came across some lotion called FatGirlSlim. I at first laughed and thought to myself I wouldn’t be caught dead with that lotion if it were in my bathroom and friends came over. Then I filtered through the next 5 pages of search results while thinking about the FatGirlSlim in the back of my mind. I gave into temptation… I ordered FatGirlSlim and FatGirlSleep! I figured I should splurge and give this fat minimizer a chance to really take effect. Secretly, of course.
AND IT WORKED! Granted I wasn’t morbidly obese to begin with, but I have noticed tighter skin and it’s shinier than it has been in years! I apply it after my shower in the morning, and rub that magic lotion on my ass every night (when I am not too tired of course). I now find myself doing squats in front of the full length mirror and thinking stupid things like “looking good, girlfriend!” Which is very rare, mind you, because I hate when girls call each other “girlfriend.” “Oh snap, look at that ass, girlfriend!” “No more moon landing on this crater ass, Mr. Armstrong! Move over!” *Enter frantic snaps and smiles here*
This is exactly the perk that I needed to get me back on track to getting in shape. I highly recommend FatGirlSlim to the fellow working women who need to get their ass back in glistening, gleaming shape.
Also (a note from Erin):
Have you entered to win a ruby necklace worth $660 yet? This giveaway ends July 31, and you can tweet daily for extra entries!
Only a few days left to enter to win one of three LOFT Factory summer necklaces! You can tweet twice a day for extra entries!